


i'm sorry for everything that will happen later

by sunsxleil



Category: Carol (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsxleil/pseuds/sunsxleil
Summary: In the screenplay for Carol, there are three lines during the Waterloo scene that got left out of the film. It goes:"I'm sorry." Carol says"For what?" Therese asks."For everything that will happen. Later."
Relationships: Carol Aird/Therese Belivet
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	1. Carol

**Author's Note:**

> **A Disclaimer:** In the summary, I copied the lines, but the 'Carol says' and 'Therese asks' weren't in the actual script. It was formatted as a screenplay would be, and I just molded it to look better in a fic summary. Anyway, these lines are from the screenplay written by Phyllis Nagy, and I saw them on Twitter and well. The rest is history. I do not own the characters nor the lines, but I wanted to give the fandom a little something. Also, I physically could not handle the pain in those lines, and them not being in the movie. So, here we are.
> 
> Also, this fic has two parts. The first is the scene in Carol's POV, and the second in Therese's.

Carol’s hands still and hang limp at her sides. Therese is standing in front of her, leaning against the bedside dresser. Those adamant eyes, those small, firm lips, and the cream-colored dresser and mirror behind Therese, the green walls of the motel room—Carol would never forget any of it. This will turn into a painful memory, she knows, and she will look back at this night and wish she had never gone through with it. She will wish she had never done it, if only so she would not have to hurt Therese, Therese who she loves, Therese who Carol wishes she could run away with forever.

Therese would never forgive her for this.

Carol knows that. Carol knows that it was a stupid idea, asking this woman to go on a trip with her even if it would for certain end badly. She had not been thinking, of course, when she had asked Therese to come with her. She never did think things through, and if she did, perhaps she would have considered not to ask Therese at all. Yet, Carol stands here, both wishing she had never asked Therese and glad she did, and if she could pick a way for this to end, she’d pick one where only she would get hurt, not this woman she has so deeply fallen in love with.

But Therese looks at her with eyes missing even an edge of uncertainty.

“I’m sorry.” Carol says. She can already feel it—everything falling apart like a car sliding off the ice and crashing into a tree on the side of the road. It would feel as if she drove the car into the tree herself, all while knowing Therese is in the passenger seat. Without even looking, Carol would know she’d let Therese bleed, let Therese get crushed and killed by false hopes and empty promises that Carol might never get to keep, however much she wants to. And would Carol ever want to try to reverse it all, undo the damage she would have done to Therese when it all ends? Of course, of course she would. But would Therese let her, or would Therese refuse to look at her ever again?

Carol almost thinks it would be better for them both if she were to leave now and never come back. But Therese opens her mouth, with the faintest glimmer of curiosity in those eyes. Carol loves those eyes.

“For what?”

Carol smiles, faintly. Sadly. If she let herself linger too much, she thinks she might cry. She wonders if Therese can see right now, her eyes glassing over with tears.

“For everything that might happen.” For all the times Carol will say ‘I love you’, for every time those ‘I love you’s will be shattered. For nights Therese will spend crying, and days spent aimlessly roaming New York City, unable to comprehend the ache where her heart should be. Carol apologizes, for if they go through with this, what comes next will hurt more than death, even if now it will feel like bliss. “Later.” _Might_ , Carol thinks, is an understatement. It _will_ all happen. But there is still a part of her hoping it will not, because what is love without wishing no pain for the one you love?

Therese looks at her, and Carol almost wants to shake her head. Therese cannot see it, not as clearly as Carol can, the ruckus that will come after this. The empty days, the glasses of rye, the pictures to burn lest one get addicted to looking at them and keep clawing at the wound until the wound itself refuses to heal. Still, Carol loves her, for as vaguely as Therese can understand it all, Therese looks up at Carol with firmness. ‘We will get through this’ and ‘it will be okay’.

Carol wants Therese to say no. Spare them both the pain. But in the end, this will both be their pain, so Carol lets Therese open her lips, and say the words that will carry it all to the end.

“Take me to bed.”

Perhaps they will wake up in a better world, or at least dream themselves into one, so Carol pulls Therese into her arms, and leads her to bed.


	2. Therese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A Disclaimer:** In the summary, I copied the lines, but the 'Carol says' and 'Therese asks' weren't in the actual script. It was formatted as a screenplay would be, and I just molded it to look better in a fic summary. Anyway, these lines are from the screenplay written by Phyllis Nagy, and I saw them on Twitter and well. The rest is history. I do not own the characters nor the lines, but I wanted to give the fandom a little something. Also, I physically could not handle the pain in those lines, and them not being in the movie. So, here we are.
> 
> Also, this fic has two parts. The first is the scene in Carol's POV, and the second in Therese's.

Carol stands in front of Therese in their motel room. Therese wonders what this could be about, what might Carol be thinking of this time. What words are those that Therese can see in Carol’s eyes? Carol is far, so far away from her, even now. Therese wants to close their distance, wants Carol to come to her, wants all the distance to fade away.

Carol lips part. “I’m sorry.” Carol says.

Carol looks sad, so sad. As if this is more than an apology. As if it is a question or a proposition. Is Therese sure she wants to go on with this? Or does she want to walk away from this moment instead? “For what?” Therese asks.

“For everything that will happen.” Carol replies. “Later.”

Therese takes a moment to let that sink in. _Everything that will happen._ And right now, what has happened? Carol is divorcing from her husband, who has sought an injunction to keep Carol from seeing Rindy. Carol keeps telling Therese it is not her fault, but if Therese hadn’t been here, Harge wouldn’t have been forced to seek that injunction, would he? But Carol could take care of that, would take care of that, because she is Carol, and no matter what Harge may think, Rindy loves her mother and Carol loves her daughter. Nothing he does can change that. _Later_. And she, Therese, and Carol? They will find a way to be together. Perhaps they will have to see each other less, perhaps Carol will need to spend more and more time away from her, but Therese believes they can stay by each other until it is all over. And even if Carol had to leave her, Carol would say so. One way or the other, Carol would say so. But Therese knows that if Carol can find a way to stay, she will. Therese would find a way to stay with Carol too. And if Carol could not carry it all on her shoulders, Therese would carry it with her.

After all these days, all these weeks, how could Carol not see that Therese would carry that pain and trouble with her?

So, Therese lets the words flow out of her mouth. Let the consequences come. Let the world fall, for all she cares. They will come out of it all together, for something so wrong could not feel so right, so worth risking her life for and dying over and over again for. Even in a thousand lifetimes, Therese knows she will love Carol, will choose to love Carol, no matter what pain and hardship she will remember from past lives from having chosen to love this woman in front of her. No, may it be a thousand moments or a thousand lifetimes, she will always love Carol.

“Take me to bed.” Therese says.

Therese thinks Carol is about to cry, and she wants to cradle Carol’s cheek in her palm. Instead, she lets Carol pull her into her arms, and when Carol first puts her lips to Therese’s own, Therese lets her kiss speak for her. _I love you_ , Therese wills the kiss to say. _No matter what happens, I do and I will love you_.

**Author's Note:**

> This was only barely edited, so I apologize for any mistakes. I hope you guys enjoyed the fic!


End file.
